Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
