ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
