your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
