when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize