This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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