Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
