he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
