If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize