hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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