I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
