just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
