As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
