Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
