I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
