I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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