Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
