Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
