Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
