high people should be assigned attendants
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
