girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
