I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
oh god was she eating orange peels again
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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