My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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