How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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