He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Randomize
