I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
