He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
