were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize