I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
