I wish my penis had an off switch
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
