why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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