the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Small penises have feelings too.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
