just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
