Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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