It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
