Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have fence marks all over my body
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
