omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
