I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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