You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
