I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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