No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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