Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize