We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You work out of a Hotel?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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