I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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