dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
