I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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