I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
