its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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