i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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