Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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