How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
