oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
