burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
