That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
