My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
