U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
