Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
