Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
