Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
