Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
