the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
