Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
