He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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