I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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