New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
