thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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