good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Randomize
