Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We got so high we made milksteak
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I touched a dick in church today
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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