he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
