I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
