I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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