So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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