he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
