omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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