"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
